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RECRUIT! (Ends March 31st, 2011)
Alright, people, Red and I have decided that we want people to hear what we say. We’re going to make them laugh, cry, pray, and eventually, want to leave Citrus County forever. But we need you!
Here’s the deal. We’ll give each person who gets 100 friends to add us on Facebook a $25 gift certificate to Walmart. Why Walmart? Where else do rednecks shop? Idiot.
For the person who gets 100 Twitter sign ups to listen to our messed up Tweets, we’ll give them a $50 gift certificate to the 44 Bistro on route 44 (or Wendy’s, you decide.)
Recruit. Spread the word. Tell people about the two dumbasses who write on OnlyinCitrusCounty.com!
BEST CITRUS COUNTY STORY – OPEN ENDED
So, we’ve been writing about our Citrus County stories here for about a year now. Yeah, we have some pretty awesome stories, and they’re way better than yours, but we’re open to suggestions. Send us your craziest story that happened here in Citrus County, and if we use your story, we’ll give you a $25 gift certificate to Walmart so you can keep shopping like the redneck that you are.. If we don’t use your story, well, then, you lose.
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We were renting in Homosassa when my kids were in jr. high. One day, when my son was only 12 years old, I needed to make a run up to Wal-Mart. I pulled out of the driveway, leaving my son at home. I trusted him, so it was no problem. As I was driving down the street I saw this young girl on a boy’s BMX bike. Her blond hair was blowing in the wind and her extremely large breasts were flopping back and forth in her low cut top. I realized that this girl was only 12 or 13 and thought to myself, “Thank god that isn’t MY daughter!”
About 45 minutes later, I return home only to find that same girl, inside my house, drinking my last Michelob and smoking one of my cigarettes! She looks at me and states, “Oh, I did not think you would mind. I know it was was you last one, but I was hoping you would bring some more home.”
ONLY IN CITRUS COUNTY!
Jeesh, Tracy, that’s intense! How does this stuff happen? Thanks for your entry, get your friends to submit a few as well!
Red and I were cruising down 41 towards Ocala, and we saw a 6 or 7 year old kid walking by himself. We pulled over, asked him what was up, and called the cops. He was going to walk about 13 miles home had we not come by! JEESH!
Only in Citrus County.
This happened about 10 years ago, at the kangaroo station (Which was Texaco at the time I believe) located on SR 200 on the left past Stokes Ferry Road. I went into the Gas station to pick up a Subway Sub on my way to a friends house and there was this lady standing in front of me talking with the Subway employee making the sandwiches. The Subway employee was not making a sandwich at the time so I figured maybe they were good friends catching up or something. Anyway, I stand there patiently waiting to get my sub made when the lady in front of me finally left to go to the checkout counter. Well, I proceed to place my sub order and not too long after she comes up to me and starts chewing me out for cutting her in line! I was in shock! She was in front of me for 10 minutes talking then leaves and gets on my case for cutting her in line! Are you kidding me! On top of that, the Subway employee got on my case too! I promptly left in disgust! ONLY IN CITRUS COUNTY!! LOL!
Hi, George,
Wow, Only in Citrus County!
Thanks for the post.
-Buster
A few years ago we were living out in the back part of Homosassa. When a house came up for rent nearby we told some friends about it in hopes that they would be our new neighbors. So the friends came out to take a look and promptly turned around and left. When I asked them why they said it was because there was a girl and a goat up in a tree in the front yard and if they were going to move out of Old Homosassa it would be to get away from the rednecks….Good luck with that I told them.
HAHA Like… a REAL goat and a REAL girl???!
-Buster
Yesterday we were driving down Grover Cleveland in the torrential downpour and notice a car pulled over on the side of the road. An old man is standing there, obviously waiting for a break in traffic. He decides to just dart into traffic to pick something up out of the middle of the road. I see him toss it into the grass as he walks back to his car. Once we got closer, I realized it was a dead chicken. This old man, risks his life in the rain to move a dead chicken out of the middle of the road…with bare hands mind you. ONLY IN CITRUS COUNTY!
I bet he was going to eat it, but when he saw it had tire tracks on it.. he threw it in discust.. Only in Citrus County!
April 9th 2010. My name is Joe because I had this brilliant idea to get my coffee and paper just after sun up and go to Fort Island beach. Duh forgot about the noseeums – was covered with-in minutes. BUT someone was more of a dumbass than me! There on the beach were three different photographers taking pictures of these really good looking girls. I ran for my car but continued to watch waiting for the bikinis to come off. No such luck! But these poor girls when they were done ran for the cars with terrible looks on their faces. Guess they forgot the bug spray! Only in Citrus county!
I Lived in Citrus County for 6 years 2002 to 2008 and had to leave i was so tired of hearing the rednecks say, wa goanna huntch-ya downnnn new yourkerrr. yeah we want ya to spend ya munnie then go da f–k home. Then another one at Skidmores said the only thing I like about ya new yourkers is ya munnie ( he died in 2006 – heart attack – maybe his name was Joe). The rednecks go to home depot fill up the back of there pickup with assorted stuff and by the time they got home there was nothing in the back ,,,they forgot to tie it down, everyone in the family was named Joe. And dont go down to Chazzawitzka unless your invited or your name is J?? ( across from Sugarmill Woods. Then another time I went to kash and karry I was stuck in my car by the front door and this old red pickup pulls up behind me and starts beeping his loud horn and then decides to yell out the window ya dumb new yourker, ya cant park there…. his name had to be joe – Only in Citrus County.. Then another time I was selling this mobile home and this redneck was so nice to me, so I sold his home to another redneck in 1 month, then after closing I went to shake his hand and say good luck and he said to me New Yourker I may nart be smart….but im nart stewwpid ya city slicker and wheeled out in a red beat up pickup…..Only in Citrus County …his WIFE’S name is Billy JOE and his name was Billy Bob JOE….. and his wife was his sister….iwas wondering how come they looked alike . I had a new york license plate for about the first 1-1/2 years – my name is joe… ONLY IN CITRUS COUNTY…..I have plenty of stories during my 6 year nightmare. PRAISE THE LORD…Im out of that hell hole.
Just wanted you to know that you made me laugh. I am curious where did you move to?
Give me some redneck aid yo baby we ar loosers, and we like it
I was at walmart the other day, and saw 2 interesting things.
A wrinkly old woman in her 60s with a 12 pack of miller lite, and a tattered old shirt down to her knees, with no shorts on.
I went into the bike/sports Aisle and I saw a trashy couple in their 20s changing their baby on the floor.
O.I.C.C.
We;ve been here 30+years-maybe thats why when we got a new roof and the garage door looked faded,I painted it and it looks great– To bad it won’t open anymore.